Monday, November 12, 2007

I Think I May Have Been an Underachiever

As if this blog weren't evidence enough.

I'm finding that my offspring receive report cards that, well, exceed my own at their age. This became apparent yet again as I attended the annual parent-teacher conferences only to be told what an excellent student my son was. While I certainly take pride in my son's achievement, this can't reflect well upon my own accomplishments - or lack thereof - while I was in school. I suppose I could escape this underachiever thing if I simply chalked this up to "he got my wife's intelligence"; but seriously, do I really want to do that? I think I'll keep the underachiever label, thank you.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

You missed an important note about statistics and variables. Perhaps, your offspring may have the same, but the grading evaluations may have been relaxed. Or, it could be the teacher favors kids with personalities, and those interpersonal qualities count for much more than it did in your days of carving cave pictures on dwellings.

This theory is further drawn out when talking about clothing sizes. Not sure if you've noticed, but size Large isn't really what Large used to be. I now wear a size Medium (in case you need to know for Christmas) while most of my older clothes are labeled size Large. This is further borne out in many recent publications where people have noticed how clothing sizes seem to be inflated, no doubt to keep up with pricing inflation. I further submit to you the cars of old, such as the original subcompact Honda Civic have now grown in so much proportion that it is now classified as a mid-size vehicle. So consider that next time you put your mortgage down payment on an old rebadged Nissan that is the size of a used prophylactic.

Nathan Kinzel said...

Ignoring the rest of your worthless drivel, I think you're incorrect on this clothing size theory of yours. The reason your older clothes are all size large is because you were once the human version of a woolly mammoth. Now that you've slimmed down (oddly enough on your so-called "caveman diet") you're now a medium! And don't those new clothes cost a fortune?

Anonymous said...

I'm healthy than I ever have been and have the body of a 29 year old! I think the pangs of jealousy begin to emerge when you get past your prime. Not only have I evolved into a muscular behemoth, I am rich beyond words and can afford to buy material things to adorn my incredible chiseled body.

Anonymous said...

The only 29 year old body you have is that rusted out '78 Chevy you have in the driveway there, Jed. Given that you're rich beyond words, maybe it's time to invest in a modern new vehicle. Something from the 90's should get you close enough to this century.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure I should be taking advice from someone who owns a huffy, and has the slowest hands when the check is dropped off by the waiter.

Anonymous said...

Hey, leave my Huffy alone; but don't leave in a huff. Why don't you leave in a minute and a huff.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'll huff and puff and . . .

Anonymous said...

Blow me.

Anonymous said...

You're fired!

Anonymous said...

There's a definite draft in here.

Anonymous said...

Draft Dodger?

Anonymous said...

Was that some kind of shot?

Anonymous said...

I heard that. . . through the grapevine.

Anonymous said...

I'll bet you wondered how I knew.

Anonymous said...

You got the Shaft?