Dirty

Caught your attention, eh? I went to the store today to purchase some top soil for the yard and realized that I also needed some manure for fertilizing the Spring plantings. Feeling pretty good that they both were on sale for 79 cents for 40 pound bags until I reached the line for checkout. As I was standing there in the midst of my fellow patrons, I started thinking how great I deal I got for dirt and a cow's bowel movement. I'm actually paying for crap and essentially nature free land in a plastic bag. THEY should be paying ME to take this garbage out of their store!

Short Blogs

Don't you just hate them? I mean, what's the point?

Unbelievable Sex Positions and Secrets!

and you thought a Marketing degree from Northwestern was a waste.

Hey You - Casual Reader!

Please comment on our blog site! We're looking for viewers. Personally I recommend the Tortoise and Hare or the How are You posts.

So if you just happen to be passing by, please comment.

Thanks.

Use Tax

I just got a letter from my local taxing body indicating that I owe a Use Tax after purchasing my new vehicle. Since I've never had to pay such a tax before, I am questioning the need to do so. Why should I have to pay for a car that I am NOT using? The car is essentially sitting in the garage while I use my other vehicle. Should I ask them for a tax rebate since my car is not being used? My other car was already purchased and USED prior to moving into this lovely midwestern city. After my property taxes doubled since moving here, I would think they would have the decency to not charge me more. What's next? A tax on income? What is this world coming to!!!

Naked Truth

I can't seem to find a blog with naked women. Perhaps, we can put naked stick people on this site?

Shopping Idea

You know Mother's Day is coming up on May 8th. If you're looking for an alternative to the ordinary flowers and candy, the Citgo station at the corner of Rand and Euclid in Mt. Prospect has a gift shop.

Any truth to the rumor that. . .

former Cubs 1st baseman and part-time model, Pete LaCock, is related to Dick Pole, former pitching coach of the Chicago Cubs? And they say nepotism is only skin deep.

The Tortoise and The Hare

With the exception of this present venue, there seems to be an effort to squeeze words out of our vocabulary. Take a look at most sets of instructions - light fixture installation, windshield washer replacement, etc. - crude drawings have replaced the written word. How far we've come as a society!

My favorite example is my lawn mower. Having treated myself to a self-propelled mower, I went the extra mile and picked up a 2-speed model. On the left side of the mower sits the throttle that controls 6.5 horses of raw power. And how is this throttle labeled? High and low? Fast and slow? Nope, it is labeled with pictures - of a rabbit and a turtle.

Now the casual observer would likely reason that rabbits run fast while turtles tend to meander at a rather slow pace. Therefore, rabbit is fast and turtle is slow, right? Well not so fast, Peter Cottontail. What about the story of the tortoise and the hare? We all know who won that race, don't we? And it wasn't the rabbit. It was the turtle!

So let us now extend that logic to the lawn mower. If I want finish mowing as fast as possible, do I trust the outward appearance of rabbits being faster or do I follow the legend of the tortoise and the hare? If I set that lever on rabbit, will I find my mower darting hither and yon across my yard, stopping to talk to the neighbor and generally focusing on everything but mowing the lawn? Conversely, if I shift the lever over to the turtle side, will I find the mower moving so painfully slow that I'll have to start mowing again as soon as I'm done just to keep up?

Two simple words could have solved this conundrum for me - fast and slow (or even high and low). Instead, these crude drawings have led me to merely contemplate - where should I set that lever?

Meanwhile, my lawn is now a foot tall.

Blog On, Blog Off

What do you think of the new template? So cool you can eat right off of it, but please use a spoon as you'll want to get every bite.

Walk in the neighborhood

I took a stroll through several blogs today, and can confidently say that there are a lot of disturbed freaks, horny adolescents, sales pitches, lonely mothers, etc. in blogland. I really don't have any problems with the horny teens or lonely mothers, but some of the bloggers are just plain scary. Whatever happened to good old fashioned people who enjoyed a little rock music in their diet and getting a little cheerleader under the stands? I mean what is happening to the world these days! Next thing you'll tell me is Britney is pregnant. Oh well, blog on!

Duck!!!

Did you realize that most violent crimes occur as a result of domestic violence? If I were you, I would sleep with one eye open. You might consider getting a kevlar vest? At least the hair on the kevlar could make you feel more like a man.

Rocket Man

I'm thinking of adopting a nickname. What do you think of "rocket"? Just imagine as I walk by the mall, and someone yells - "hey Rocket"! or "there goes the pocket rocket".

How are you?

Naturally, I don't really want to know. But that question gets asked thousands of times a day by people just like me who don't really care how the heck you really are. Which makes one wonder why we even bother to ask. Why not just stop at "hi" - or "hello" for the more formal out there. After all, what do we really do armed with the information that the person we just encountered is fine. Or good maybe. Or perhaps they'll say lousy but we know they're really being sarcastic. Of course, if we truly detect that lousy is an honest assessment of how they are, we can use that information to run as fast as we can the other way just in case they may look to us for some desperate measure of help. Yes, there is that benefit - but on the other hand, we probably never would have learned of their despair if we hadn't asked in the first place. So again, why bother?

There are those who don't inquire as to how we are but instead wonder "what's going on". This is a tricky one. The standard response of course is "not much" or "same ol' same ol'". But unlike "fine", which implies that life is generally going along as it should, what does "not much" really say about us? One could say they're fine until they're blue in the face and still feel okay about themselves. Say not much is going on for too long and maybe you'll realize you need to get a life! I think I prefer to be asked how I am.

The obligatory follow up to hello has become so ingrained in our society that I'm afraid we couldn't simply drop the practice just like that. The pregnant pause following "hi" would likely render an uncomfortable chuckle as passing greeters quickly look the other way and move on. Maybe the moment could be filled with more meaningful inquiries such as "where did you buy those pants?" or "was that your wife I saw last night at Durty Nellie's?" The possibilities are limitless. In fact, I encourage - no, dare - you to ask the next person you greet some more meaningful question. Something that tells them you really are interested in how they respond.

As for me, I'm fine.

So Britney Spears is pregnant!

Makes me think of mattresses. Did you ever wonder why mattress manufacturers/retailers come up with so many variations of product names/numbers that it is virtually impossible to compare based on names/descriptions? Wouldn't it be to their advantage to allow consumers to compare based on price? At least, they could save a lot of money instead of having all these cross-references and product tags in their inventory systems. Whoever came up with this idea should have his ass examined!

Lawn Mower

Why don't they invent other things to be self propelled? Wouldn't it be cool to have a self propelled shopping cart or a self propelled office chair? Maybe they could invent a self propelled cart so you could go to work? Perhaps, they could call it a . . . scion?

Went to Chicago this weekend

Amazing how many people don't use their turn signals! After driving around so many aggressive drivers, I became more alert and aggressive as well. I saw two near accidents that resulted from another driver who was adamant that they wouldn't let another car into their lane. I thought someone should invent something where you can push a button and both drivers would be forced to sit in a time out situation until cooler heads prevailed. By the way, who came up with that phrase? On second thought, I think they should invent cars in the shape and composition of bubbles, then we could bump into each other without incident. Of course, if you bubble gets pierced, I wouldn't want to be standing around when you let your gas out!

I went to a party with a friend of mine

He told me a woman had took his pride. Sorry, just being Petty.

Tollis Lane

This toll increase has really increased the amount of traffic in the I-Pass only lanes. I think it would be super if they set up a separate lane for the people who had an I-Pass before January 1.

They Built That City

I have to stop hitting Enter after typing the title! Hey, this is kind of title-ating.

What was Jefferson Starship supposed to have done? Was it destroy rock and roll? I think what happened is that they built San Francisco on top of it (rock and roll that is). That probably accounts for all the hills. What is a rolling hill anyway? I've never heard anyone describe the hills in San Francisco as rolling but they sure are rocking. If these hills are a rocking "Mr. Huge" is probably searching for Farrah - or re-living that first date.

Dr. P is back in town - had a short detour in K.C. Everyone I met was friendly but it sure was dark there.

This "Mr. Huge" thing - just like calling a big guy "Tiny".

Who really cares about Michael Jackasson anyway?

I'm still chasing fantasies about Farrah. Do you think she's a virgin? Do you think she cooks with virgin olive oil? Somehow I want to combine the last few thoughts. Second verse, same as the first. Hey, this is really fun. Too bad I don't have any more wisdom teeth, because I could refill my pain medication.