After Thanksgiving Sales

Why would a normal, sane human being subject themselves to getting up at 4:00am to get in line with hundreds and thousands of other poor, sleep deprived souls to get a "good deal"? Is it really worth the morning breath, the parking lot hassle, the rude bumps, the non-existent sales clerk who is too busy hiding from the wretched patrons, the commotion, the stress in realizing that another store may actually have a better deal, or worse, have what you need in stock when this one's out! I think not. I propose we go back to simpler times when we have a quiet cholesterol clogging, high starched meal with family members we see once every couple of years as we while away the hours with good in depth conversations of how the family cat got caught in the combine, where we learn more about Aunt Mertle's close encounter with bean salad, and how Billy Joe ended up in the slammer. . . again. I yearn for that simple life that you only can find on the Jerry Springer show. . .

Big Box Retailers

Well, I'm finally home after spending the last 93 minutes of my life at Circuit City trying to return my latest Samsung A950 cellular phone. (Note the unabashed use of brand names in an attempt to generate search hooks from interested readers). I truly believe they have a recruiting strategy to enlist low life, scum sucking, uneducated, rectum like, etc. employees to man the cell desk. This idiot must have been about 300 pounds overweight and was sweating profusely as he tried to wait on a line of three customers, and you guessed it, I was numero three. I watched in disbelief as his turtle-like motions tried in vain to punch the keys on his keyboard to sign up the first customer. Do you know how long it took to type in "William"? Five minutes (after having to backspace because he kept getting it misspelled). Trust me, I timed it. After each keystroke, he had to look over his glasses to see if the character showed up on his monitor as he expected. Amazingly, he finally made it. The customer in front of me interjected that he should just have spelled "Bill", but the clerk just ignored him. (Good thing his name wasn't Richard). Anyway, after an hour, I finally get my turn, and he finally calls me up. Unfortunately, customer number one, Bill (as I like to call him) shows up, and makes a comment to me like "you still here?" To which I was about to respond, but was rudely interrupped by our favorite clerk who asks what he needs. He immediately stops my return transaction and proceeds to cater to Bill's problem. Apparently, he somehow lost the little door that covers his charging port, and wonders if the clerk can get him another one. Great, the idiots are now breeding! Somehow between the store and his home, Bill loses the door, and expects the clerk to help him. Incredibly, the clerk apologizes to me, and goes to the back room to get him a spare one. At this point, I'm ready to take over the controls of the keyboard and give myself a few credits because the clerk just left me alone with a live terminal. Instead, I decide to be nice and start unplugging all the cell phones on display just for fun. There were at least 7 clerks now walking around, but of course, they just ignore me, because I'm at the cell phone booth which is a different world, you know. As the acne faced clerk watches me, he realizes what I'm doing for entertainment, and gives me a smile and exclaims "cool" which I obviously take as an encouraging display of support. I now disconnect the cords from every phone, and then satisfaction becomes mine. The phones begin beeping. I imagine there's some type of security alarm in the event someone's trying to walk off with one. The beeping becomes increasingly annoying to the clerks but, surprisingly, they do nothing! Well, the cell clerk comes waddling back and gives the part to Bill and gets him on his way. The clerk finally gets back to me and proceeds to complete my transaction. Meanwhile, the beeping is still going on in the background. He comments to me that "boy that's driving me crazy", and admits that it must be one of his cell phones disconnected. Thankfully, he decides to work with me rather than investigate. He's down to the last question as to why I'm returning the phone. I'm tempted to explain that I'm returning it because I HATE THIS ENTIRE EXPERIENCE AND STORE, but I catch myself and say that I have no reason. Again, he looks puzzled, and tries to see whether "no comment" is an appropriate response on his drop down menu. He seems enamored with the drop down list as if he's never been on a computer before. He finds some generic answer on the list, but lo and behold, it prompts him for another response. He takes 2.5 minutes to type "empl not nown (sic)". Trust me, I know how long 2.5 minutes is. Finally, he completes my transaction, and now I am finally out the store. I scrutinize the credit and ensure that it matches my original receipt. As I get up to leave, he hands me my phone back and puts it in another bag! I begin to walk out the store again, but uncharacteristically, I hesitate after getting up to the door, and decide to leave the bag at the customer service desk. Although it would be amusing to have taken the phone, especially after all the trouble, I just couldn't do it. I figure with idiots like him working at Circuit City, there days are numbered anyway. Now for my latest experience with Wal-Mart. . .

This is a Test

I just noticed this "Blog This" hyperlink at the top of our blog. Having now clicked on it I see that it opens up a page that apparently should be used to create a new post. It wasn't actually obvious at first but once I expanded the window, and deleted whatever text was in this space I'm currently writing in, it became much more apparent. But, as I said, this is only a test.

Mama Mia!

The Dancing Queen must be 45 by now! It seems like just yesterday she was young and sweet, only 17.

It is what it is

Is there ever a time when it is what it isn't? Or conversely, it isn't what it really is. Maybe that's when things really aren't what they seem to be. But when things really are what they seem to be, then that's when they are what they are. Or, in the singular, it is what it is.

They're Not Marshmallows!

The marshmallows in Lucky Charms have got to be the most un-marshmallow-like food items ever. I'm sure those crunchy little things in the Lucky Charms are virtually pure sugar like your run of the mill marshmallow but they don't taste like a marshmallow and they certainly aren't soft like a marshmallow. I most definitely don't want any floating around in my hot chocolate.