Only two things that you can always count on. . .

Taxes and Jock Itch. Yep, it's that time of the year again when we shed our cycle of excuses and sit down for a lonely weekend with nothing but dried ketchup stained receipts and our trusty ten key calculator. Uncle Sam is asking for another donation, and I aim to please. By the way, I wonder if Uncle Sam ever gets lonely? Isn't there supposed to be an Aunt Samantha to keep him warm during these cold winter days? But I digress. Anyway, here I am plunking away trying to figure out how I can keep the "revenooers" from taking the farm. Or taking me to the cleaners. I guess I should be taking one for the gipper. Why is the tax code so damn complicated? I sincerely believe that they instituted it to see which one of us has the fortitude to actually study the details and spend countless hours trying to determine if I can save 32 cents on that alleged business call to Aunt Myra. After sheer frustration, I will eventually give up and decide to let the federal government take it. I suppose it is good fiscal sense to get people frustrated in order to make more money. Of course, I would rather be frustrated with an image of Britney Spears, but that's another story. Enough! Now I must be a good patriotic citizen and do my civic duty. Can I claim that deciduous conifer that shaped like Aunt Myra as a dependent?

Speak Out for Change!

I'm not one to turn my back on technology but I'm starting to long for the days when cashiers actually counted the change they returned to their customer. I think those days left when the electronic cash register came on the scene and simply indicated the exact change to be returned.

I remember selling a cheeseburger, fries and a coke for a mere 89 cents when I worked at the local McDonald's. After receiving a five dollar bill for payment, the proper procedure was to drop eleven cents in the purchasers hand ("that's one dollar") followed by 4 singles ("two, three, four and five dollars"). And those were the days when virtually all transactions took place over a counter inside the restaurant.

Nowadays, when drive-thru lanes are common practice, I get handed my change bills first with the change on top. Invariably this leads to a balancing act with the coins to keep them from sliding out of my hand. Of course, with the currency between my hand and the coins, I have no feel for the change as it skates across the bills like Michelle Kwan at Rockefeller Center.

I say it's time for change! (no pun intended - for once.) Can't someone train these people to hand out the coins first? How hard of a concept is this to grasp? I think the fast food restaurant industry must make up for razor thin profit margins with all of the lost coins customer lose in the drive-thru lane. I, for one, am mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!