Time to give THANKS!

It's that wonderful time of the year that begins shortly before Halloween. No, I'm talking about that profit enhancing enterprise called Christmas. I realize that it's oft overused, but Christmas comes earlier and earlier each year. I noticed the local Wal-Mart already had the Christmas displays up before Halloween. I recall that it was considered sacroligious to begin decorating a tree before Thanksgiving. My, how times have changed! Now, what used to be a joyous occasion, now brings stress to not only the retailers as they scramble to squeeze out that very last cent, but more importantly, it's the average joe who suffers because he has to be up by the crack of dawn to get the newest playstation wiii. Now, I must remind you the most important part of my message: what the begonias ever happened to THANKSGIVING!!!!???!?!? Didn't we forget that this was an important occasion to remember our long ago ancestors who came over on the Mayflower. . . who raped and pillaged the local Indian population. . .er. Native Americans. . .just so we could eat their turkey? Isn't this a day of THANKS?!?! So, I implore you to remember this sacred holiday as you dive in for another round of Aunt Bernice's pecan pie, and think about the other 364 days that we need to appreciate what we have. By the way, I think I'll use Mayflower van lines the next time I move since they go waaaay back. Happy Thanksgiving!

I fight authority and . . .

Because of the era that I grew up, I learned to respect (and abhor) authority. I always try to distance myself from work superiors so as to not appear as the "kiss-up" of the crowd. I do notice the occasional overt "butt-kissers" who do garner some extra attention from the boss, but I sincerely believe that they eventually will be discovered for their shallow intent. Even though I may actually like my boss, I still try to keep my distance, which has led me to the thought: Is it because I do not want to be perceived as a brown-noser or is it my inate perception that a boss should be in a different league, much higher than I? I finally concluded that it must be the former when I witnessed my boss passing gas in the adjacent urinal. Damn animal, needs to find some social etiquette!

Everything I learned in life, I learned in college

If you truly think about it, you were naive, yet ecstatic, yet prepared for life when you were in school. Those formative years chasing the young nubile coeds were what life was truly about. Besides raging hormones, you were gifted with "knowing everything" and caring about nothing. No real responsibiliites to speak of; certainly no mortgage concerns, car debt, braces, etc. You had the entire future to consider and all was incredibly fun and possible. No limitations as you dreamed about learning to drive a motorcycle, skydiving, and fornicating with a million plus women. College was an opportunity to grow and transition into adulthood. No longer would you be concentrating on Power Rangers but the Texas Rangers. What is amazing to me is the sight of overaged grey haired men back on campus trying to relive those days of glory, as they mumble along the quad, thinking about what might have been. I think I actually saw a balding one driving by in his new corvette the other day.

I Just Adore a Penthouse View

Load up the wagons people, Oliver Douglas is heading to New York! Apparently he got allergic to smelling hay and is looking for Park Avenue now, baby. Please, please, please, just leave the pig, Eb and that fat Mr. whatever his name was home.

Next thing you know, he'll be movin' on up to the east side... to a de-luxe apartment in the sky. Hey, by the way, could you get me a piece of the pie?